T E S T O S T E R O N E J U N K I E

The Titanic Spa, Huddersfield, West Yorkshire Review First Impressions:

So what does a guy like me want to go to a spa for? Particularly one called Titanic, in the middle of the West Yorkshire hills.

My first instinct was, why is it named after a cruise liner that sank and consequently killed thousands of people?

Surely, that’s not a good association.

Well, the building it is housed within was constructed and named the Titianic Mill in 1911. The cruise liner made its Maiden and final voyage in 1912.

The mill came first then…

To be fair, it is a magnificent building built of Yorkshire stone which consists of the spa area on the ground floor with an outdoor Jacuzzi then a number of apartments 5 floors above.

From what I could gather this consisted of privately owned apartments and some that the spa owned which are then let out on a hotel style basis.

So, back to the original question: Why would a guy like me who plays a bit of rugby, is looking to join the Army Reserves in the new year, lifts iron, tests supplements, rips through testosterone booster’s like no tomorrow to get right big and generally cannot sit still?

Simple. I have a girlfriend who loves taking care of herself (she always looks stunning) and I noticed you can get a deal for an overnight stay if you stay on an unconventional night.

The best value option was to stay Sunday night to leave Monday morning by 10:00.

This meant we were to arrive Sunday morning for a full day at the spa.

Therefore, Sunday morning we headed off with our bags packed unsure what to expect apart from being told that we will have a facial treatment and be able to use the pool, Jacuzzi as well as a heat/ice experience.

Needless to say, all of this is new to me and I had no idea what it would entail.

Arrival:

Upon arrival we were greeted by a large carpark and not too much in the way of helpful signage.

Sure, the building does emanate from the valley floor like Ayers Rock but there’s a few big old style mill buildings in the area so a bit of helpful signage wouldn’t go amiss considering the roads are steep, narrow and windy.

Phone signal is minimal too, so the sat nav skips and jerks and then loses itself just as a fork in the road appears. Not a great journey in.

With a space for my land yacht secured (remember your registration number because you need it) and the main entrance to the spa found we were greeted with soft music and a reception which is nestled opposite a shop full of treatments.

The reception was manned by about four members of staff who all wore the same French grey outfits looking very calm and politely took our names then handed us a schedule of events.

Now, this is their greatest flaw.

You have full access on the day you arrive from about 10:30. So you bring your bags as you do for an overnight stay.

However, the room is not accessible until 14:00.

This means you have to dump your luggage with reception but rummage through everything to get changed in to for use of the spa and treatment.

You will probably also find out that you have forgotten to pack your swimming shorts…

Cue a look of despair and disbelief from my girlfriend.

However, the feeling of not being able to head to the room and sort yourself out is a bit annoying.

No fear though, once you have found (or bought – £13.99) your swim gear you are handed a French grey robe with white slipper to wander around in.

There’s also some lockers and changing rooms for you to change in to. There’s no padlock required because they have a key code lock mechanism.

Once dressed in just your robe and slippers you then start to notice everyone else just milling around in their robes too.

I must remind everyone that I have never, ever been to a spa so I find this kind of behavior slightly odd, then again I guess it is just like being by the pool at a hotel so I just need to get over myself.

Note: You can wander anywhere in the complex in your robe but must wear smart casual clothing in the 1911 bar. I believe this is the same for the restaurant in the evening too. 

Once changed, we headed to the little restaurant area to receive our free drink on arrival.

I had an apple and elder flower juice and my girlfriend had a cup of tea.

I thought I was going to go all zen like with the juice but found it not to my taste unfortunately.

The restaurant was small but offered a nice menu plus snacks and an afternoon tea. All of which was modestly priced for the quality.

Treatments:

My treatment was scheduled in for 13:00, my better half had her’s booked in for 13:30 as per the regimented schedule provided by reception upon arrival.

We wandered over to the corridor and seated ourselves while filling in the form to specify any ailments or conditions you may have.

You could also specify what you wished to get out of the session. I obviously missed this bit of the form…my girlfriend didn’t though.

So, our inclusive treatment was a Elemis facial. I have never had a facial before and I was aghast to learn that I would be in there for 50 minutes.

Fully aware that I can barely sit still for 15 minutes and cinemas being a write off, this put the fear of God in me.

Once my form was filled in, we just waited in the seating area which is filled with a nice, relaxing aroma and ethnic soothing tunes.

We noticed the relaxation room opposite, so had a sneak peek before I was summoned.

This room had very low lighting levels and many bean bags with a selection of magazines and books, you may wish to prepare yourself and take something you want to read though as the selection is not to library standards.

There’s little private areas and also some sort of reclining chairs with reading lights.

If you want to actually read a book, these recliners are probably the best bet, as the areas with bean bags left me feeling like it was some sort of swingers session with people just nestled up to their partners.

I left and went to waiting area outside opting for ethnic calming music.

A young lady emerged from a door and my name was called.

This was it. My first facial.

I entered the room which had a shower cubical, a bed whereby the foot area is more elevated than the place where your head goes, more ethnic soothing music, darker grey walls and candle light.

Overall, a very pleasant area to be.

I was instructed to de-robe and shimmy myself under the towel/blanket on the bed while my therapist left the room for a few moments.

When she returned I was a snug as a bug in a rug.

So, then the conversation began.

I was all questions. The poor girl was probably at her wits end with me, but if she was, she certainly didn’t show it.

I had creams, scrubs, head rubs, neck massage, the whole works.

I also found out her favourite crisp flavours, how she commuted to work, why there’s a shower, where she stayed in Ibiza over the summer and who with.

The 50 minutes flew by and I felt great afterwards. I soon learned not long after that my girlfriend basically fell asleep and didn’t speak once. I think this is also the norm. However, if you want to chat my therapist was more than happy.

Feeling revived, confident and rather splendid we both headed up to the apartment.

Accommodation:

With keys in hand we went to the lift and headed to our first floor apartment for the night.

It was a mezzanine property with a very high ceiling, massive window and the bed was on the platform above the kitchen area.

It was fully kitted out like a modern apartment is.

Sofa, dining table, kitchen with utensils, crockery, cutlery, washing machine, oven, microwave, dishwasher, fridge/freezer…a home from home.

We had a basket of breakfast foods, tea’s, hot chocolate, coffee etc.

However, with all of this facility in mind, while we took a couple of bottles of wine, you may wish to take your own food and relax in different surroundings.

if you are really tight, you may wish to take a full load of clothes washing and get it done using their water and electricity. That’s some dedication though…

The shower is powerful and the bath lovely.

The shower gels and soaps leave your skin feeling silky smooth and its an actual joy lathering yourself up.

Other Facilities:

After a shower and snooze we decided to hit the heat and ice experience. I literally had no idea what this entailed apart from a bucket of ice that you threw on yourself according to my therapist earlier.

Essentially, what it consisted of was a number of steam rooms, saunas, showers, a foot spa and a plunge pool.

All arranged in a circle so you could take a turn of each. I found it all very enjoyable. The plunge pool was very cold as was the icy water shower. It was great though and I loved every minute.

There was a gaggle of screamy girls but they were told to be quiet immediately by a member of staff, so the whole experience is very serene.

After this we decided the outdoor Jacuzzi needed a visit followed by the indoor salt water pool.

I thought the Jacuzzi may be rammed with people but it was empty so we hopped in.

The outside temperature was around freezing as it was snowing lightly for much of the day, but this didn’t deter us and it was great being in there with just our heads out in the cold night sky.

After this, we went back indoors and took a dip in the barely populated swimming pool which is overlooked by a small weights and cardio room.

Again, this was very pleasant, relaxing and serene apart from my attempts at swimming…I’m quite splashy.

After this we headed back to the apartment for a glass of wine and to change for the evening.

Food and Drink:

As part of our overnight package we had the following included:

• Drink upon arrival
• Light lunch
• Evening meal of two courses

I had already mentioned the drink when we first arrived, however, I did not mention the lunch that we had.

I thought I would bundle the whole dining experience together.

I had prawn and pesto tagliatelle for my lunch. I also ordered a side of ciabatta as a side with a coffee for my drink.

The main was excellent and actually much larger and filling than expected.

The ciabatta was warm and tasty as was the coffee. I can’t remember what my girlfriend had to eat but I remember her mentioning how nice it was.

Prior to our evening meal with headed to the 1911 bar.

This was nicely designed with lots of copper elements, bare brick and a small bar area but also little quieter areas that you could sit together in small groups.

It had a nice ambiance with nice staff but I feel the lights could have been a little lower and the heating turned up a little higher.

The toilets looks like a recent refurbishment and were very nice, obviously the hand soap was divine.

We both had a mojito cocktail each then headed back to the restaurant area to be seated.

The restaurant is small with a mixture of booths and tables, it was almost full and had a pleasant atmosphere.

The staff were attentive and we both chose a starter and a main from the menu.

Both were excellent. My girlfriends main of pork belly was beautiful as was my chicken breast on mashed potato.

My starter of cured meats and bread could have served the two of us it was that generously portioned.

I ordered two flutes of Laurent Perrier champagne for our drinks and at £9.75 per flute I don’t think it was too over the top.

Overall Experience:

After our superb dinner and drinks we headed back to the apartment and slept in absolute darkness thanks to the excellent curtains.

The bed is huge and brilliantly comfortable. The who building and surrounding areas was deathly silent so we slept soundly.

Upon waking we had another great shower and then had our provided breakfast of cereal and croissants.

We felt satisfied then headed to reception to check out for the 10:00 check out time.

Our worries of a mass of brawling people all trying to check out at once didn’t materialize and we were out back to the car in a jiffy.

Overnight the temperatures had plummeted so this meant -5 and a frozen car. Luckily the pleasant people in the car park offered deicer and a scraper.

So how did I find the experience as a spa virgin?

My ultimate concern was that I thought I would be bored and restless.

However, I wasn’t. There’s plenty to do and with it all punctuated with a bit of food and drink.

While filling in my form ahead of my facial I did overhear one couple mention that it was certainly time for “another wine break”.

And, that is the crux of it all. You do not have to forfeit a bit of fun or unhealthy living, you can do what you like as long as you are in the restaurant for your allocated time and available for your scheduled treatment. That’s even if you can be bothered to do that.

You could just prepare your own food in the apartment and just mince around in the pool or saunas if you so wished with any help required available from the very discrete staff.

However, I certainly would make sure you hit the restaurant. The food is great and any additional you may wish to order is reasonably priced.

One thing that stood out was the cost of afternoon tea. Having recently experienced the whole affair at the Corinthia hotel in London for their afternoon tea which cost almost as much as my car, to see it priced at under a tenner per person here at the Titanic spa was a revelation.

If we weren’t so full from our lunch, we would have ordered that later in the afternoon.

Any Other Business:

You may like to know that there’s a 100m borehole beneath the property where the water is sourced from.

You may like to know that there are solar panels on the roof and that instead of sending out trucks to collect laundry it is actually completed on site.

This all helps toward its lauded eco/green credentials.

However, you are not really bound to notice this. What you will notice are the serene surroundings and blissfulness of it all.

Just remember to pack your swimming gear, maybe do not necessarily rely on your flaky phone reception for your sat nav and perhaps take a book or some food and drink you may wish to consume in your apartment.

One thing to note is that I do not think you can go in groups larger than 6 people and do not book a stay wanting some sort of raucous hen do as it is not really that kind of atmosphere and there’s risk of being thrown out.

Something you may wish to check out on their website.

Costs:

Okay, I have nothing to compare this to other than stays in hotels ranging from hostels, budget, in between and a couple of 5 star stays.

So this cost means nothing to me other than how much was deducted from my bank account.

Here goes…

We had the Sunday overnight package which came to £129 each.

That’s £258 for one night for two people with two meals and a drink on arrival. There’s breakfast in the room with tea/coffee/orange juice and the full facilities of the apartment.

We had the facial treatment included and there was use of the other facilities such as pool, sauna’s, Jacuzzi etc.

Any further treatments were additional.

We also ordered a side for the lunch of the ciabatta, plus an Americano, my swimming shorts and two flutes of Laurent-perrier.

The total of the additional’s came to £38.74

All-in-all the grand total for the one night stay was £296.74

Make of you will with that. Everyone has different opinions on price for services and goods.

I enjoyed it, more importantly my girlfriend enjoyed it. I think you would be hard pressed to not enjoy it yourself.

See more at their website, read the history, their awards and deals for booking:

http://www.titanicspa.com/

Our Favorite Test Boosters

> Increase Natural Testosterone Production

> Build Slabs Of Muscle

> More Energy

> Increase Strength

> Improve Overall Well Being

CLICK HERE TO READ MORE